Monday, October 22, 2012

Milky Ways, Squash, and IG Farben.

There's this funny feeling I keep having. No, not clown-funny. Just a weird, deep-down sense that there is unease, unrest, an unsettling in the universe. I could compare it to seeing the lightning and counting the seconds til the velvet rumble in the distance.

I hear that on Dec. 21, 2012, not only will the planets align (like they do every year apparently), but we will be able to see all the way to the other side of the Milky Way.

I predict more nougat and caramel.

I wonder if that has anything to do with, well, anything (the galaxy, not the chocolate bar). I imagine that since so many people are craving change and evolution (or so I've heard) that *something* is bound to happen. Nuclear attack from Iran to start WWIII? Hey, why not?

War is super-profitable... And we are on the verge of economic collapse.

Just ask this guy. ^

If you don't know who that is and you listen to Justin Beiber, you are not only part of the problem, you ARE the problem. Yeesh, don't look in his eyes too long. You'll catch the evil.

By the way, the Standard Oil Company (who shared a bed with IG Farben) supplied Nazi aircraft with an oil supplement, without which the planes were incapable of flight. But, wait... I thought we were the good guys? That's weird! Maybe you should look into it.

Despite all this metaphysical, inner wiggling of my wolfy senses, I feel a general sense of calm. Cuz you know what? It's gonna be okay.

Even though I know it's gonna be okay, I still encourage people to train for war. If for nothing else than you'll look and feel AMAZING.

Which brings me to my NEXT point....

Cuz rawr.

My weight has been consistent, even with the addition of a few cheaty grain items that caused me to fluctuate. I have decided (again) to rededicate myself to my nutrition and taking my body back.

Today's weigh-in: 170.0

After cutting out grains once more, I lost about four pounds in just a few days. No, I was never starving - I ate what I wanted when I wanted as much as I wanted. Only thing was, my diet now consists mostly of boiled eggs, bell peppers, steak, and other various sundry Primal-lifestyle foods.

Low-carb, moderate-protein, and high-fat eating for the win.

I feel better than I have in days (I began feeling tired and sluggish, mentally less acute). I can't get over what gluten does to my body. It literally wreaks havoc. And I know I complain about it all the time, but it's like I just have to make sure that this piece of cake really will hurt me.

It always does.


Here's what I'm doing to fix it:

I made spaghetti squash with sirloin meat sauce tonight that was pretty darned good (if I do say so myself). This unique squash has a "stringy" meat that, once you cook it, can be pulled apart with a fork and resembles spaghetti. Plus it is far superior in nutrition, contains only 38 calories per serving (without sauce), and makes you sound all well-versed in unusual food stuffs. I mean, who REALLY eats spaghetti squash?

Always alone.

My honey liked it. :) Then again, he likes everything except liver...

Tomorrow, I'm gonna do some more yoga, eat some more meats, veggies and fruit, take some more walks with my dog... I'm gonna do some more of a lot of things that make me feel good, healthy, and like I'm doing positive things with my life.

And just remember, everybeast... It's gonna be okay.


Tuesday, October 16, 2012

I miss you. All of you.

It's been a while.


A victory, though... I have held my weight within a pound or three since I stopped working out. That means, my eating is pretty tight, now if I added more cardio and less Bacardio, we'd be rocking (okay, so it's wine - whatever).

Expectation versus Reality. Yikes.

I've missed y'all. I really have. I mean, I may not *know* you personally, but we've shared something here. Baring my soul for all of the teeth of the Internet to chew me to pieces. "None of us are as cruel as all of us." I heard that somewhere.

Anyway. I think the thing that has sucked my life most is the new puppy. Oh, yes. We came back from Tennessee with a puppy. Originally, we struck out for Moonshine and a good time (both of which were had).

But the puppy.

Ouch, that's cute.

Behold. The puppy. And I am a tired Mama.

(While I was writing this, I had to step away at this point to rescue my boiled eggs, which are now extra-done. Right.)

While I've recently come to the realization that I just got a little lazy (he does sleep after all), I also lost the motivation to write. Writer's block? Probably. But I'm back at it... Because the only way you get over the Block is to WRITE.

This has been quite a learning experience for me. The cat was awesome, because he would just wander off and sleep. This one has made me realize that I can still love something, even when he's chewing shoes, eating the fringe off the carpet, and wiggling in between my feet as I'm trying to walk.

But I am such a proud Mama. He is so smart and just wants to snuggle the pants off you.

The plan is to put him in training to be a therapy dog for children's hospitals, patients with Alzheimer's, and anybody who needs a pretty good hug. He is such a lover. :)

"Mom, can I eat it?"

Besides, if the puppy becomes a dog with a job, my nice leather couches, floor rugs, and shoes might just survive all this.

I miss CrossFit, too... But I kept hearing people talking about what an amazing family they had at their box, and I can totally see that, but this is a family I get to choose. :)

A different box in the opposite direction may very well be in my list of places to visit soon. And it's so full of irony... I'll save that for later.

CrossFit. What was your excuse again?

No, srsly. Wat was it?

Moondog Yoga. :) What you put into the universe comes back. Every. Time. Namaste.

Be the awesomest version of you that you can be.


Wednesday, May 23, 2012

Transform FatBritney into Katniss! PROFIT!

I sorta fell off the wagon for about three days recently. Wowzers, did I eat a lot of crap food.

While part of me feels kinda bad about it, I wasn't too concerned BECAUSE!

"Oh, hey! Yeah, I'll be there to kill you presently.
Just lemme load mah bow. *twang*"

The horn for the CrossFit Cypress Hunger Games Challenge blew Monday.

You're on a team. You go through four different WOD trials (overhead squat, farmer's carry, etc) each week. After nine weeks, they measure improvement. The team with the most improvement overall wins the nice, sparkly pot of Entry Fees (it's $100 cash per person).

Quite an incentive if I do say so myself (Capricorn = highly motivated by money).

Knowing this was coming up, lemme tell you what I ate.

Friday night, I had two open-face sandwiches with white bread, mayo, butter, shrimp, and avacado. It was Norway Day, and since one of our very dear friends is a master chef, we had to go over and help her honor her husband (holy h'alliteration!) by eating her fine cookery. Let me tell you, friends. It was no strain to kill that meal. Oh, and I had wine.

Oh, yeah... And two massive pieces of homemade marzipan cake.

In my defense, I knew that night was coming and endeavored to only eat vegetables all day until then.

I woke up the next day feeling no less ill. But! Hair of the dog, as they say.

Saturday I spent the better part of the day crying and baking a cake; crying, because I was sad and baking because I wanted to make my friend happy!

So I made a bundt cake that looked exactly like THIS
and decided to stop crying - batter was getting salty.

Then proceeded to have a hamburger with cheese with ketchup, mayo and one tomato on it. Cuz that's what I wanted. And I think I had a martini. Or three. It gets fuzzy around that part.

And two bites of my honey's piece of cake, after declaring proudly that I refused to have a whole one. He's so nice. :)

Sunday for breakfast, I had burger left overs.

For dinner, we had dove poppers (jalapenos stuffed with cream cheese, dove breast, wrapped in bacon and grilled). Surprisingly, the only "bad" thing there is the cream cheese.

Remember the rule! PLANT or ANIMAL only! Nom nom!

For dessert, I did something really stupid. I had a bowl of Special K red berry cereal. The clincher is this: Since I only had 1% milk (and I do hate water-milk), I had to balance it out with cream. Really, I mean, the science only makes sense.

An aside:

Cereal is really, really, really bad for you. There are three things that humans should not ingest for any reason: Grains, dairy and sugar. I'll let Mark's Daily Apple explain it. I use words like "bacon" and "cake." He uses words like "pectin" and "insulin resistance," so you should probably listen to him.

I slept hard Sunday night. And all the while I was steadily gaining weight from water retention, gastrointestinal inflammation and fat gain because I have no idea what my calorie intake for that weekend was.

Needless to say, the number on the scale went up. I knew why and didn't allow myself to collapse in a fit of self-loathing and disgust when I looked at myself in the mirror... Unlike SOMEONE I know.

*Cough* FatBritney *Cough*

Monday, I didn't wake up.

I mean, I did, eventually... I was in some kind of gluten coma or something. My poor honey got out of bed, got ready, made his own breakfast and smooched me g'bye before he left.

I remember part of that.

Grains literally take me down a few notches. When I finally got out of bed, I was plagued by a sense of being too full in all the *wrong* ways.

Like I said earlier, though, the CrossFit Cypress Hunger Games Challenge started Monday, so I (literally) ROLLED to the box for the evening class.

I felt pretty danged good after that.

Ta DA!

Still a long way to go before I look in a mirror and love what I see. I like it now... But I want to love it.

I'm gonna set up a fan in my bathroom for this.

I know how to lose weight. I've done it (twice) before. My struggle is keeping the weight off and putting the stupid fork down. I do enjoy food so.

Okay, so a goal is a dream with a plan behind it, so here's my goal.

1. FatBritney mode
2. Eat clean, train dirty
3. ????

Doesn't get much more solid than that, folks.


Monday, May 7, 2012

WIP: The Cave

I am beyond honored today. Let me tell you why.

I get to go to Cross Fit with Meghan McAuliffe who is a dear, from-childhood friend that I've lost touch with.

And I mean... After all...

Don't mind if I do...

The consequences of getting healthy are staggering... and HOT. I'm maintaining my weight at 179 and have been since I stopped working out three times a week regularly ("Red meat, wine and no working out?? RECIPE FOR DISASTER!" - Terible Terence the Trainer.)

It's gonna be okay, though. Thanks to whatever higher power likes me, Meghan said, "Let's go!" so I said, "OKAY."

I'm standing down wind from change, and I like that scent.

Sorry, Sad Obama. Not that kind of change.
That kind smells like farts.

The true purpose of this blog, however, is to reveal something I've been writing on a for a few days. If you've ever studied philosophy, you'll be familiar with the concept.

I'm putting a little twist in there to delight your frontal lobe. :)

Today is the big day. The curtains and pulled back, all is revealed.

1) Moondog Yoga of Texas, LLC is official.

2) The first Yoga Chat is 7 p.m. TONIGHT.

I've got, like, nine people registered so far, and I am twitterpated with the notion of getting this going.

But anyway, stay tuned for the next installment, which will hopefully maybe have the completed work I've been writing.

Stay present, everybeast. <3


Wednesday, April 25, 2012

A Confession. Don't Judge Me!

156,456% better than last post. It's science.

Oh. Hey.

Nice to see you again.


Caught me at kind of a bad moment.

You see. I have some news...

Bad news.

Here it is. You ready?

I ate waaaaaaaaaaaaay too much fruit over the weekend.

This fact has set my weight loss back (I fluctuated up). I dunno. I was craving... stuff.

Any way. I only told you cuz Terible Terence the Trainer made me.

I made up for it by drinking lots and lots of water!

Stunt double!

In the meantime, here some updates about other stuff! :D

Moondog Yoga of Texas is official and real. I mailed the LLC paperwork to Austin to make it all legit and stuff.

Yoga-ish. Mostly "ish."

I've finalized my schedule and will post it on Friday. Things are moving right along, I must say. I hope my mom will come take my classes. :)

I'm a little anxious about it, I must admit. This is beginning of a new stage in my life. It's, like, I can put a DATE to it, ya know?

April 20, 2012.

The day will live in my mind forever.

What were you doing April 20, 2012?

In closing, some pictures of Hugh Jackman making funny faces on the beach. Enjoy.

Have a lovely evening, everyone.


Tuesday, April 17, 2012

Hello, Alaska.

8 days.

That's what's up. Yoga certification, for the win. I guess you could say I'm leveling up?

Rock. On.

Today was Day 4.

I walked into my class this morning and proceeded to get ready. Something about the drive in, maybe it was just the day, but something was mentally playing ping pong with me.

It's wonderful how "traffic" rhymes with "quiet time to sit and breathe," which is really not what happened. It was mostly my mind wandering.

Did you know you're breathing perfectly wrong? No? Have headaches often? Maybe panic attacks? Notice your breath. Where is it? If it's in your chest, I highly recommend a re-breathing lesson.

Monkey mind. During the whole meditation. Twitching, flinching... Little quiet came to me today.

"'Sup, bro?"

My weight is still being maintained. It's very hard to eat properly during this, because we take two minute breaks (long enough to run - not walk - and piddle) and one 1.5 hour lunch. I love the long lunch, but my paleo eating makes it super challenging to eat out.

I had steamed sweet potatoes at a Thai/Vietnamese restaurant. They were DELICIOUS.

A moment of your time please.

I'd like to introcude Brandon Chadbourne. He is a fantastic man who I think will be recognized as a great thinker of our generation. I fully endorse his magic! (Hi, Brandon!)

"'Sup, bro?"

Broccoli is my friend right now. I take a big steamed thing of it and munch on a few trees during the breaks.

This class is mind-blowing. I am roiling with ideas and new goals and missions and life purposes and holy yoga!

I will be posting a class schedule very soon, I hope.

Will work for your presence. :)


PS - Here's a picture of Terence the Terible Trainer, so that he can feel the love, too (now with double-barrel action)...

"'Sup, bro?"

Saturday, April 14, 2012

Charlton Heston Hates McDonald's.

Today is always a great day for a new beginning, you know.

Yoga Certification.

Oooooh, yeeeeaaaah. :D

It happened. Today.

Day one was awesome. Consisting of an overview, About the Teacher, About the Center, the 300-page syllabus, and the near-guarantee for me to do a headstand by the end of the course, it lasted about three hours or so.

I met some amazing people: Sarah, Kasi, Brandon, Ann Marie, Mary, and Teresa (apologies for a misspelling of anybeast's name as I've never them written).

We have to write a Vision statement for our personalized version of our practice. I believe mine will go something like:

My Vision is to create a choreography of yoga that
brings about a shift in paradigm and spirituality.

Dog, stop doing yoga. You are a dog.
You'll get the mat all hairy.

That's all I've got so far... Expect a few edits.

Following the epic weight-loss journey, there is progress being made!

Yesterday was my dad's big, ol' birthday, which means a strawberry cake that I think he loves more than any of his children.

My goodness there are a lot of animals in this post.

177.0 lbs.

^ What I weigh now.

After facing the temptation of flour tortillas, cheese, sour cream, queso, I relegated my dining experience to a modified chicken and beef fajita salad with a little guacamole and even less queso (a dab'll do ya!).

It was great. I even had a piece of cake (should have split it with my Honey... next time) but experienced a little upset stomach later in the evening.

I've noticed that as I've been eating cleaner, any trash that hits my system (grains, sugar, or dairy) causes discomfort ranging from "My tummy! *lip quiver*" to "Yes, I am terribly interested in what you're saying, but if I stand here a moment longer, we'll both regret it... Don't judge me."

The journey continues. This yoga class will be a boon to my weight loss. We are listening to lecture or practicing yoga and meditation, which gives little time for casual snacking... And to maximize the benefit of the mind-body connection, well...

You are what you eat.

It's people.